


This is Home

by ChaoticCosmos



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, MAX//VID SHIPPERS DO NOT INTERACT, Other, Song fic, Trans!Max, cos i hc neil as two years older than them ok, gwenvid - Freeform, max and nikki are 13, neil is 15, teenager!max, transgender character, unsafe binding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-12 00:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15327300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticCosmos/pseuds/ChaoticCosmos
Summary: I’ll cut my hair,To make you stare,I’ll hide my chest,And I’ll figure out a way to get us out of here.





	This is Home

**Author's Note:**

> Based on This is Home by Cavetown

 

   Max sat with his knife stabbed into the mess hall table, determinedly carving away at the wood, as everyone else chatted away over their dinner. Nikki and Neil were sat across from him, paying their friend no mind as they spoke. Max glanced up briefly, looking past Nikki and Neil to see the camp councillors sitting at a table on the other side of the room. David was talking excitedly about something Max couldn’t hear, and Gwen was staring off into space looking bored and tired, and barely poking her food. Max couldn’t blame her. For igoring David _or_ the food. But then David must’ve said something worthwhile because Gwen cracked a smile and turned to face the man. Whatever David was saying died in his throat and his excited expression melted into a fond smile Max didn’t recognise. Gwen shook her head and said something, her own smile never fading, as she stood and placed a hand on David’s cheek. David stared up at her with what could only be described as ‘puppy-dog eyes’ and Gwen seemed to comply when she planted a kiss on his forehead before making to leave the mess hall. As she left, Gwen’s smile turned into something like a smirk, and David only shook his head with a quiet smile as his turned back to his dinner. As he watched the exchange, Max’s expression formed into a hard glare. He looked back to his table and continued his carving with a newfound anger. He hated to admit it but Max often found himself upset by the idea that he might never fall in love. Whenever the thought would appear Max would chastise himself for the stupid and childish worry. Max knew he was too young to worry about such a thing, but he also knew that through all his trauma he’d be lucky to find someone he trusted, and who could trust him. He knew that he lived in an unfair and unjust world and that even if he could find someone like that, the chances were thin that they could love him and who he was; that they could love him _despite_ who he was.

   Max looked back at David and saw how the man’s smile had disintegrated now that he had no one to talk to. Max reminded himself what he always did when those thoughts infiltrated his mind, which was that maybe it was for the best. This way he couldn’t be hurt so easily. This way he avoided the stress of falling out of love.

   But then Max looked at Neil and Nikki, and he looked down at himself, and he remembered all of his fears. He saw all the bumps and curves in the wrong places, he felt the beetles and bugs writhing under his skin, and he wondered how no one else could see them yet. He heard his voice in his head and wondered how no one else had heard it yet. He stole a glance at Nikki and Neil and wondered if maybe they _had_ noticed, he wondered if they despised him for lying all this time, and above everything, he wondered if they were tired of him yet. Max sighed heavily and went back to his carving.

   He hated this place. He hated everything from the tents to the trees, from the councillors to the campers, from the ants to the activities, and,  _fuck,_  he _hated_ the food. But at least he wasn’t at home. At least here he could be himself. He could be Max. At least his parents made him fill out his own forms in the back of the car while in a rush to ship him off for the summer, and at least no one cared enough to check the name he’d written on the form. At least David didn’t think to ask why half the information wasn’t filled out, and at least that idiot’s first words to him were an unwavering ‘ _Welcome to Camp Campbell, Max!_ ’ He hated this place, but at least at this shithole no one questioned that he was _M_ —

   ‘— _ax?_ ’ A voice interrupted his thoughts from the other side of the table. The boy looked up to see Nikki and Neil staring at him with concern. He hadn’t noticed that he had zoned out, nor had he noticed that Neil had been calling his name. His confused expression soon changed to one of boredom. ‘You okay? You keep zoning out.’ Neil said.

   ‘Yeah,’ Max replied quietly. ‘I just feel a little sick right now.’ He lied, hoping it was a sound excuse for the way his mind kept wandering and the way his hands seemed to shake on their own accord. ‘But I’ve been doing some thinking and I’m putting together a new plan.’ He changed the topic but his friends didn’t seem to mind as they were now much more interested in what he had to say. ‘It’s not complete yet but when I’m ready I will get us out of here.’ He grinned evilly, earning mirroring grins from Nikki and Neil. The trio were interrupted then by David standing up on the other side of the hall and asking for everyone’s attention.

   ‘Alright, gang!’ He started and Max had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. ‘I thought tomorrow we could go on a hike seeing as it’s supposed to be a beautiful day! So everyone head back to your tents and get a good night’s rest! Meet Gwen and I out in front of the mess hall at 7am sharp so we can have an early breakfast then get on our way.’ He finished. One by one people got up from where they were sitting and tiredly made their way back to their tents. Max, Nikki, and Neil were some of the last to leave. Before getting up, Max stabbed his knife into the table next to his completed message of: “max was here.”

 

   The next morning Max woke up much earlier than everyone else. It was still dark outside and there was a chill in the summer air. Max made his way to the bathrooms and frowned when he looked in the mirror while washing his hands. Had his cheeks always been so . . . Chubby? And his eyes, had they always been so round? And, _god_ , who let his hair get so long? Max ran his hands through his dark curls in annoyance and contemplation. The hair reached just past his shoulders now and he rarely took out the hair tie that at this point was lost somewhere in the mess of curls bound at the back of his head. He pulled at a curl and watched it bounce back into place, framing his face in a way that managed to make him look so perfectly . . . _feminine_. The boy glared at the mirror and in an impulsive but long-time-coming decision, Max grabbed the scissors left over from “Hairstyling Camp.” Max located the hairtie burried in his hair and took hold of it, manoeuvring the scissors to sit where the hair tie and his hair met. In one swift moment Max brought the scissors down onto the locks. After a couple of attempts the hair came free and next minute Max was holding a curly ponytail of hair before him. He shook his head to loosen up the locks which had instantly curled back towards his head and then began evening out the rest of his hair.

   Max’s work was messy and he ended up with many uneven patches but all he cared about in that moment was being able to look at himself in the mirror and see someone who looked much more similar to the 13 year old in his head, than the one who had been standing in the mirror minutes ago. However, despite his new haircut, there was still something bothering Max. Something that made his skin crawl and his stomach churn, and as tears began to collect in the corner of his eyes Max found himself subconsciously scratching at the skin on his chest. The new development that Max’s body had decided to throw at him over the past year had become something of an obstacle. As the the dim orange light of sunrise started to filter into the bathroom and Max’s hands continued to scratch his skin raw in attempt to keep the vile from rising to his throat, Max decided he needed to do something about his problem.

   After a quick look through the cupboards in the bathroom, Max eventually came across a firstaid kit containing a roll of ace bandages. It wouldn’t be perfect but it would work well enough for now and maybe it could help stop the feeling of bugs crawling under his skin. Max cringed as he took his too-small, yellow shirt off, and then he made quick work of wrapping the bandages around his chest. He frowned when he slipped the yellow shirt back on and could still see some bumps where’s he didn’t want to, plus the pattern of the bandages poking against the yellow fabric. But his chest was flatter than it was before, and he no longer felt like he was going to throw up, and he finally almost looked like who he thought he was. So Max brushed off the uncomfort, he brushed off the way the tightness made it hard to breath, and he brushed off the way the material chaffed him under his shirt. This was worth it. It had to be worth it.

   When Max left the bathroom there were already a few campers starting to leave their tents and David was walking around looking far too chipper for 6:30am. Max slipped back into his tent just as Nikki and Neil were getting up.

   ‘Max? You’re up before us?’ Neil asked, shocked, and Max shrugged as he walked over to grab his blue hoodie and slip it over his head.

   ‘Bathroom.’ Max supplied as a reason for being up. Neil eyed Max warily. He could tell something was different but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. That was when Nikki exclaimed.

   ‘ _Ohhh, myyy, God!_ ’ She yelled, running, jumping, and effectively pinning Max to the ground. Max let out a loud grunt at the impact. That didn’t feel great. ‘ _You cut your hair! What did you do?! Well, obviously you cut your hair, I know that! But why?! I loved your ponytail! Where is the excess?! We have to have a Viking’s funeral for what you’ve destroyed! Wait, no! We’ll glue the hair back on! Unless you can grow it back right now?!_ Will you do it, Max? Will you grow your hair back out? _Please?_ ’ Nikki rambled with varying intensity as she clutched onto Max’s hood. Max’s bewildered expression turned into a smirk as he took Nikki’s wrists and flipped them in order to pin the girl. Having been friends for 3 years he had learnt her weak spots which had helped him to avoid many of the times she would try to tackle him.

   ‘Nik, please, it was time for a change. I was starting to look like a girl.’ He said as a joke, not letting on to his true worries.

   ‘Guys, as interesting as this is, we’re meant to be getting ready for some shitty hike, remember?’ Neil reminded, looking impatient. Max scoffed.

   ‘Don’t worry, Neil. I’ll figure out a way to get us out of it.’ Max assured, moving away from Nikki in order to sit on the floor next to her.

   ‘What?’ The girl asked, sitting up, her hair falling into a curly mess around her face. ‘I want to go on the hike! It could be fun.’ She insisted, earning incredulous looks from both Max and Neil. ‘And you.’ She said, prodding Max’s chest, ‘are coming too after the stunt you pulled with your hair.’ She pouted. Max’s blood ran cold at Nikki poking his chest but he was quickly relieved when she didn’t seem to notice anything.

   ‘Fine, but only because I don’t want you getting into trouble while we aren’t around.’ Max agreed.

   ‘Guess I’m coming too.’ Neil sighed and Nikki squealed with delight as she pull her two friends into a hug. Suddenly the tent doors were being pulled open and David stuck his head in to tell the three campers that they would be leaving soon. Max was waiting for David to say something about his hair but . . . He never did. Too distracted by Gwen saying something on the other side of the tent, David left without a word to Max. Just like home, Max’s thought to himself with a sour expression.

 

   The hike was as long and boring as Max could have imagined. The sun was making him sweat something fierce and by time they stopped for lunch Max’s legs were seeming to shake with every step. He let out a laboured breath as he flopped down onto the grass. Max’s cheeks were flushed red but somehow he seemed far more exhausted than the rest of the campers. He scowled at this thought, surely everyone else was just as tired. Lying on the grass, Max felt a large pressure release from his chest that he had barely noticed was building during the hike. He swallowed hard and tried to sit up, immeasurably regretting the decision as his chest seemed to clenched in protest, a foreign stinging feeling punching the air out of him. Max lay back down and continued trying to catch his breath. He was just tired out, that was all.

   It felt like they had barely rested at all before they were starting to walk back to camp, but it had been a long enough rest for Max to be able to get back on his feet without shaking. This lasted all of 5 minutes as not long into the walk back did Max find himself trailing behind again, seeming to lose his breath faster than everyone else. He found himself trying to wrap his arms around his body as if in an attempt to hold himself together until they got back to camp. This time as they walked Max felt the sharp pain from lunch returning bit by bit. The boy was finding it harder to breath and he had to blink away the tears trying to pool in the corners of his eyes. As the walk continued, there came a point when he was close to calling out for David to ask if they could have a break, but then he saw some scenery he recognised. Max took a deep, steadying breath, regretted the way it made the pain light up in different areas, and kept going now with the knowledge that they were close to the camp.

   When they finally got back David gave the campers free time until dinner was ready and, while everyone ran off to play, Max made his way to the grass near the lake and lay down. Nikki and Neil didn’t question it as they sat near their friend and chatted among themselves.

   At dinner Max found himself zoning out of the conversation. He barely touched his dinner as he wasn’t hungry, and he was starting to feel irritable. Every noise, every clink of cutlery, every scream of Space Kid, made his eye twitch and his glare into the middle distance deepen. Then as dinner was winding down the very last thing Max wanted to see showed up.

   ‘Hi there, Max!’ David said cheerily but there was something missing. His usually happy voice seemed to be laced with something else. Something like concern but . . . No, that didn’t make any sense. ‘I’m liking the new haircut, although I wish you’d said something to Gwen or myself. You know Gwen had an apprenticeship with a hairdresser when she was in high school?’ Max rolled his eyes as his hand slowly traveled up to pull at his messily-cut curls. ‘What I mean to say, Max,’ David sighed, ‘is if you need anything please come to us. We don’t want you getting hurt.’ He said seriously and Max’s confused expression changed rob one of annoyance. _What was he playing at? Did he know something he shouldn’t? Did he need Max to come out and say it himself before he threw him out of the camp?_  A range of questions came to mind but only one reached Max’s lips.

   ‘What do you want, David?’ He growled.

   ‘Well, Max, I just noticed that you seemed to be struggling during the hike today and I wanted to know if everything was okay?’ He asked gently as if Max were the fragile one David was afraid would break if he spoke too harshly. _He’s the fragile one,_ Max thought. He wasn’t unconvinced that David was made of porcelain sometimes with the way he would cry over everything. But, _God_ , the way David spoke to him now made him uneasy. Max wished David would just turn off his porcelain face.

   ‘I can’t even think right now,’ Max mumbled, placing his elbows on the table and leaning head in his hands. He hadn’t noticed that he had spoken out loud as all the sounds and colours surrounding him seemed to turn and twist around him. He thought he might be hyperventilating and maybe he heard David asking him something again, but all he could manage to articulate was, ‘This place has too many colours.  _How does it not drive you all insane?!_ ’ He yelled, getting to his feet and garnering everyone’s attention. He looked from face to face until he reached David again.

   ‘Max, . . .’ The man tried quietly.

   ‘ _Shove off, David! I don’t need your sympathy, or your tricks. I know what you’re playing at, I’m not stupid! You want me gone just as badly as everyone else!_ ’ He yelled. Max once again took in all the faces staring at him. He felt the weight on his chest and the heat in his cheeks, everything was too overwhelming. So Max ran. He ran and he ran until he didn’t recognise the area in the dark, all the time his lungs screamed in protest, his mind began to grow clouded and heavy, and he wasn’t sure if everything was dark because it was nearly night or because his eyes were seeming to darken. Eventually he collapsed onto the floor and heaved for breath but this time he couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs no matter how much he tried.

   ‘What’s up, homeslice? What’s got you so bent out of shape?’ A voice asked. It was a voice Max hadn’t heard in three years and when he looked up, sure enough, it was that weird kid from Spooky Island. He hadn’t aged a day.

   ‘Jasper?’ Max huffed. Despite trying to deny it all these years, Max finally had to accept what he was seeing might be true. ‘Are you . . . _Dead?_ ’ He asked, unsure.

   ‘Well, I suppose so.’ The younger- older?- boy shrugged. ‘Why do you ask?’

   ‘What- what does it feel like?’ He asked before he could stop himself. Sometimes he thought he was dead, between the ghosts and ghouls that wrapped around his head.

   ‘Golly, it’s a lot like being alive.’ He considered. ‘But a lot lonelier, and colder . . . Oh! And it can walk through things!’ He said the last note with pride. Yep, Max definitely felt like a ghost most days . . . Other than the walking through things part.

   ‘Jasper, I think I’m dying.’ Jasper looked conflicted, he wasn’t sure how to respond. ‘But I don’t want to fall asleep just yet . . .’ He said weakly, not bothering to think of more words, or to even face the ghost anymore, but instead facing the ground as he continued to heave.

   ‘Davey . . .’ Jasper said quietly. Max wanted to ask what he was talking about but wasn’t able. ‘I hear Davey!’ Jasper cheered but Max was having trouble making sense of his words. ‘Don’t worry, Max, I’ll g—’ but Max couldn’t hear the rest of Jasper’s words because everything went dark.

 

   ‘ _Max!’_ called the two camp councillors as they wandered through the woods, the sun almost completely set and casting a red and orange light through the gaps in the trees. Dark shadows stretched for miles across the grass and an eerie breeze was starting to set in.

   ‘I just don’t understand, Gwen.’ David sighed, flashing his torch between the trees. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so on edge about something . . . And now he’s run off and it’s all my fault! Because I had to push him too much when he clearly didn’t want to talk about it.’ He berated himself and Gwen frowned at the ranting.

   ‘Hey,’ Gwen called out, promptly cuffing David on the back of the head. ‘This isn’t your fault, stop being an idiot. I wish I could say it’s just teenage angst but . . . I don’t know. I think he’s, not necessarily hiding something, but there’s something bothering him.’ She thought aloud. David hummed in consideration. It was then that the breeze shifted direction, and it seemed faintly like an old, familiar voice calling David’s name. Looking down the path that the wind now blew in, David caught sight of little footprints in the dirt. He silently pointed it out to Gwen and she took his hand as the two began to journey down the path. It wasn’t long until the councillors stumbled across a small figure in a blue hoodie, collapsed on the grass next to the trail.

   David wasted no time in rushing forwards to kneel next to the boy whilst Gwen held out the torch to provide light. David reached out to feel Max’s throat on the right, just below the jaw. When he was thankfully able to feel a pulse David moved his hand to hover near Max’s mouth and nose. There were a couple of painful seconds when David felt nothing, but then a very faint breath of air escaped Max’s nose and brushed David’s fingers. David breathed a sigh of relief and then moved on to try and find any signs of injury.

   ‘He’s breathing but it’s very faint.’ David informed Gwen who had since began to scan what she could of the area without moving the torch off Max. She couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary and neither could David. ‘I can’t find any injury but we should get him back to camp where we can take a better look.’ David thought aloud. Careful not to jostle the boy too much, David lifted Max into his arms and the three made their way back to camp.

   ‘What the hell could have happened?’ Gwen wondered. She better snaned the woods on their way back using the torch but still nothing stood out to her. She had noticed that on the hike he seemed to be struggling a lot more than everyone else, but she chalked that up to just the fact that Max insisted on wearing a thick hoodie in the middle of summer. Yet now as she looked on at Max’s frail form laying limp in her partner’s arms, she realised there must’ve been something deeper at bay. Gwen got a chill down her spine as she watched Max, her mind too willing to suggest that to those who don’t know any better, Max looked d—

   ‘Gwen?’ A voice that sounded far too distant called and she snapped her head up, from where she had been accidentally staring at Max, to look at David. ‘He’s going to be alright. And look,’ he nodded his head to something in front of them. Gwen turned to see what he was nodding at and saw the camp coming into view. ‘We’re almost back.’ Gwen steadied her breathing and walked ahead of David to hold the councillor cabin door open so that David could carry the camper in with ease.

   David lay Max down on one of the beds and Gwen went to retrieve the first aid kit on the other side of the room. They had brought one with them when they went out to find Max but the one in the cabin was more equipped. In the light of the cabin they could see the way Max’s lips had taken on a concerning blue shade. His breathing was still shallow and David worried that it had gotten weaker since when they first found him. With Gwen’s help, they removed Max’s hoodie. The two councillors shared a confused look when they noticed the strange bumps and patterns coming from under Max’s yellow shirt. David had a very vague idea of when he had seen something similar oh so many years ago but he pressed the memory to the back of his mind. Though, when he reached his hands out to push the shirt up he noticed they were shaking. Gwen must have noticed too because she took his hands in her own making him meet her eyes.

   ‘Hey, everything’s fine.’ She said in a hushed voice and David nodded, taking a couple of deep breaths. Gwen let go of David’s hands in favour of placing a warm, damp cloth on Max’s forehead. His skin was freezing. David pushed up the yellow shirt enough to reveal tightly bound white bandages, confirming David’s initial fears. It felt like his mind had entirely left his body as David lifted a hand to his mouth, stood from the bed, and walked to the other side of the room. He didn’t know what to do or what to say; how to think of feel. The numbness that slowly spread through his legs was trying to convince him to fall through the floor. Max had been going to camp for four years now, how had David not realised sooner? One of his campers had been suffering all this time all under David’s nose. How could he have been so stupid? How could it have gotten to the point where Max would hurt himself to feel better?

   A million thoughts about the camper in the bed behind him swarmed David’s mind that he didn’t even notice Gwen come up behind him until she placed a hand on his shoulder.

   ‘David, we couldn’t have known. It’s Max, of course he didn’t want to tell us. All that matters is that we know now and he can help him.’ She tried to reason, wiping tears from David’s cheeks that he hadn’t noticed were there. ‘Go calm down, get some water for when he wakes up, maybe check on the Quartermaster and the campers. I’ll stay here take care of Max.’ She suggested and David nodded, swallowed, and took another deep breath. He could feel his legs again and he blinked a couple times so that he could properly focus on Gwen, being forever thankful that he had her around. When she recognised David’s attention Gwen offered him a small smile. ‘I love you.’ She said softly, rubbing circles into his shoulder.

   ‘I love you, too.’ He nearly whispered, planting a kiss on Gwen’s cheek. Without another look back, David left the cabin. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

 

   By time David returned to the councillor cabin he had accidentally brought along a small army. When they heard Max was hurt of course Nikki and Neil insisted on coming to check on him, which meant Space Kid wanted to be involved too, and Nerris, Harrison, and Preston argued that they were Max’s friends too so they should be allowed to go, and lastly Dolph wanted to tag along saying that, while he and Max had their creative differences, he still cared about his fellow camper. The younger campers who had joined in recent years asked for their well wishings to be passed on but otherwise they were tired and wanted to go to bed. David reached the door, sighed, and turned to face the campers.

   ‘It’s really lovely that you all wanted to come check on Max, but I’m going to request that you all stay outside. Please understand that it’s very likely that he won’t want to see anyone.’ He tried to explain.

   ‘We’re his friends, we have a right to see him!’ Nikki demanded, earning a few stray nods.

   ‘Besides, you won’t even tell us what happened to him!’ Neil joined in. ‘Why are you keeping secrets?!’ Both Nikki and Neil looks like they were close to crying, whether genuinely or as a clever manipulation tactic it didn’t matter. David’s heart went out to them but he stood his ground.

   ‘It’s not my place to say. It is something you will have to ask Max about when you next see him.’ David said and the campers seemed to drop their ferocity. ‘Now, please excuse me.’ With that he entered the cabin. ‘Sorry about the other campers, they wanted to see how he is and lord knows they don’t listen to me when they’re set on something.’ David told Gwen, rubbing his neck guiltily. He set the water he had brought down on the table next to Max, that was when he noticed the boy was wearing his blue hoodie again, bandages and yellow shirt discarded at the end of the bed. Gwen had brought a chair up next to the bed, she hadn’t looked up since David entered.

   ‘I think he needs a new camp shirt. That one was definitely too small and probably not helping his case much.’ She suggested but her voice sounded thick and withdrawn. She cleared her throat and David didn’t question it, only placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing comfortingly. There was then movement on the bed.

   The first thing Max registered when he woke up was the sound of hushed voices nearby. Something about campers and a shirt. The next thing he noticed was the way all of his muscles felt heavy and his chest felt uncomfortable. Finally, he opened his eyes and it took a few seconds to register he was in the councillor cabin, Gwen and David next to him. Max lifted a hand to the damp cloth on his forehead and slowly sat up.

   ‘Max, do you remember what happened?’ Gwen asked and Max thought for a moment.

   ‘I yelled at you.’ He made eye contact with David for a split second before dropping his gaze to his lap. ‘Then I went out into the forest and . . . I don’t remember.’ He mumbled.

   ‘We found you passed out next to the path.’ David said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. ‘We brought you back to the cabin and we found,’ he sighed and Max felt incredibly uneasy. He had seen David scared, panicked, anxious, but never so blatantly worried. ‘We found the bandages.’ David finished and it took Max a few seconds to understand what he meant. When the memories came back he swallowed thickly. Max raised his free hand to his chest and then dropped it back down to his lap to grip the bed sheets. He was shaking and didn’t know what to do or say. There was a scuffle outside and Max’s head snapped up towards to window to see the other campers trying to peer through the window.

   ‘W-what are they all doing here?’ He asked, unable to mask the tremor in his voice. David and Gwen turned to look out the window.

   ‘They wanted to see how you were, I’ll tell them to go to bed.’ David offered.

   ‘Yeah, come get a load of the monster.’ Max mumbled under his breath so that Gwen barely registered he had said anything as David went outside. God, this was all his fault. Because he had to yell at David and run off like an idiot, because he couldn’t just ask for a break on the hike, because he couldn’t just tell Nikki no, because he didn’t know how to tell anyone how he was feeling without them thinking he was a monster. This was all his fault just because he doesn’t know how to communicate.

   ‘They don’t know anything, Max, we would never tell them without your permission. They just know that you got hurt and now you’re here.’ Gwen told him but he was barely listening, his mind was in a different place.

   Outside, David was addressing the campers. Max couldn’t hear what was being said other than when David asked, ‘Can everybody please give him a little bit of space?’ Eventually the campers started to wander off to their own tents and Max leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Gwen removed his cloth seeing as it was becoming more of a nucance than anything, and David returned to where he had previously been perched on the edge of the bed.

   ‘Hey, Max?’ David began to ask softly. Max was too tired to look up but grunted in response. They already knew his secret, now all that was left was to kick him out of camp and send him back for his parents to deal with, and he would be dammed if they saw him he upset by it. ‘I’m sure you don’t want to talk about what happened, and that’s okay, but do you know why binding with bandages is bad?’ Max furrowed his brow, he didn’t expect the conversation to move in that direction. He shook his head nonetheless. ‘They distribute the force unevenly and aren’t flexibly enough. Using them for even a little while can lead to complications which I won’t go into, but one main one is that they could result in broken ribs.’ Max paled, he had no idea about any of this. He was constantly astounded by how fucking stupid he was. ‘Now, I don’t want you using bandages ever again, understood?’ He asked.

   Max shot up from where he was leaning back into a sitting position, his eyebrows pulled tight and his lips pulled into a scowl as his hands balled in the been sheets. ‘What?! But, David, I—’

   ‘No buts, Max.’ David enforced and Max tried to stay angry but next thing he knew the tears were welling up in his eyes. He leaned forward and started to cry softly as a million thoughts and fears passed through his head. David got up and went to some drawers at the other side of the room. _Great, just get up and leave right after practically ruining my life,_ Max thought to himself.

   ‘We’re just trying to look out for you.’ Gwen told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Max sniffed and shrugged her off. ‘You know, you should really let me fix your hair, though.’ She contemplated, running her hands through his messy, uneven hair. 

   ‘Yeah, yeah,’ Max sighed between sniffs. ‘Get a load of the train wreck.’ He said defeated. ‘So, my hair’s a mess, and I don’t know who I am yet, it’s just more stuff for you to give me shit about, right?’ He rambled. Gwen frowned.

   ‘Max, I would never make fun of you for something like this.’ She said. Max didn’t reply. David returned a few moments later, holding something black in his hands.

   ‘Here, you can have this.’ He said, handing what looked like a crop-top to Max but it was made out of a strange material.

   ‘Is this a binder?’ Max asked confused. David nodded in confirmation. ‘Where did you get this?’

   ‘Well it . . . It used to be mine.’ David told Max with a smile. Max looked up at David properly for the first time all night and it felt like he was seeing his councillor in a new light. ‘It might be a little big but it should work well until we can get something better.’ Max looked back down at the material and held it close, not sure what to say as he glanced between his two councillors. He finally settled on,

   ‘Thank you.’ 

   David held out his arms to suggest a hug and Max wanted to decline but the tears were starting to well up again and really, he saw no harm in giving in, just this once. So Max pushed the sheets back and moved forwards to wrap his arms around his councillor, and Gwen soon joined them. Max had been so scared of what people would think when they found out about his secret but little did he know they would welcome him with open arms, literally. Though in hindsight, he should have realised.

 

   Despite the hand-me-down binder, David didn’t let Max bind for a few days after what happened in order to give his body time to heal. Gwen kept her word and fixed Max’s haircut and Max was surprised to see she did a good job. When it came down to it, David helped to teach Max how to put a binder on and waited outside as Max tried it for the first time. It took a couple of attempts but eventually Max was able to get his arms through, then his head, then roll down the parts that had crumpled, and finally pull it over his chest. He slipped on his new, better fitting camp shirt and looked in the mirror. The binder was a size too big but it was still good. It made his chest flat and Max couldn’t describe the swell of emotions that arose in his gut from looking at himself in the mirror. David made sure to order another binder for Max, one that was new, skin toned, and the right size, plus a sports bra for any camp activities that might cause strain. David knew Max probably wouldn’t participate in any activities where he couldn’t bind, seeing as he didn’t like to participate in a few activities as it was, but it was worth getting something in case.

   Over the next few weeks Max’s feelings confused him. He couldn’t find an ulterior motive for why David and Gwen cared so much and he didn’t think they had one. He found himself going to them about more problems, and especially to David when Max’s gender dysphoria was particularly bad. They never questioned him or made him feel bad about what he needed to say or ask, and David always knew just what to say when Max was having a particularly bad day.

   Max would murder any else if they suggested it, but the councillors, and even the campers, were starting to feel like the family he never had. And here at camp, strangely he feels at home in this place.

**Author's Note:**

> i had to break this writing up by writing like three paragraphs every couple of days because it was kind of emotionally draining for me but im really glad i finished it and i hope you enjoy !!
> 
> PSA: just a reminder to NEVER bind with bandages or tape. Use binders, sports bras, and sometimes cut up stockings can work, and always research the company before buying a binder !!
> 
> stay safe my beautiful binding babes


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